Encouragement Needed!
Last night was my first day of Aikido practice. The practice lasted an hour and a half, and was one helluva lot more than I’d bargained for. We started out by stretching, some of which was of the sort that also develops strength and so can actually be pretty exhausting. We then did a lot of rolling back and forth, then somersaults back and forth. We then practiced falling backwards. It was actually quite fun, but it was a lot of work. Lots of falling down and then getting back up from the floor. Finally we practiced some steps, and then we put everything together into a series of movements with a partner, where one would grab the other and then the one who was grabbed would make the other one fall down. It was fun, but it was exhausting. I don’t think I’ve ever worked that hard at exercise. (Granted, I don’t like exercise.)
After the class, I went and showered off, then Hanso, Salve, and I met Johannes at Anarkali and we had a nice dinner together. There I complained a lot and drank a lot of water. Johannes and I walked home, and I could barely get up the stairs. I felt like I’d been run over by a truck–the muscles all along my back were just sore from being smashed with all the rolling. When I took off my clothes to take a shower, I saw that my back was covered with broken capillaries in the shape of the seams of my bra. Cute.
I talked to my mother-in-law after I got back and told her about my experience. I was reminded about one time when we’d talked about exercise and she’d talked about how she sometimes gets an endorphin rush from biking. I think I’ve gotten an endorphin rush once, the first time I attempted wheel pose in yoga class–I actually managed to do it! I don’t ever feel any kind of endorphin rush from anything else I do. I think my brain has a really high threshold for that kind of thing, probably the same kind of problem as my depression. Point being, I cannot rely on endorphins to get me through any of this.
Today the real pain has come. I can walk, albeit with some pain, but my thigh muscles are sore that getting up from and sitting down in chairs is something I’ve been avoiding, not even to mention the torture of going up and down the stairs, which I’ve had to do twice today (damned Red Cross!).
So, I’m supposed to go back tomorrow. I really do want to go back, but given the pain I’m in now, I’m wondering if I should. I wonder if I’ve taken on a bit more than I can handle. I wonder if I’ll be able to manage yoga at all on Thursday, and yoga is more important to me than Aikido. I wonder if this is just too intense for me given my fitness level. The problem is really just all the up-and-down, but I know that’s not going to get any better. I can see now that the aikido will definitely help with precisely the things I wanted help with–balance, coordination, and aerobic conditioning. But right now I’m just overwhelmed with how trashed I feel today. I don’t know if I’m up for this. Any suggestions or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

I'm a 31 year old American expat living in Oslo, Norway, with my bulldog, Ada, and my husband, Johannes. My interests include interaction design, especially information architecture, philosophy of mind and ethics, cognitive psychology, sociobiology, feminism, yoga, fat acceptance, knitting, pottery, and cooking.